Women
by Benji The Vampire Confuser
Summary: Spike the Brujah ruminates on his life, unlife, and that most wonderful of creatures, women.


**Women**

**by Benji The Vampire Confuser**

**Based on characters and situations created by Joss Whedon, and White Wolf Games.**

_Author's Note: I wrote this story initially as part of a Vampire Larp I was playing some years ago. I played Spike as a Brujah, and had a great time portraying him, as well as all the character analysis that came with it. Naturally, I got jossed._

William the Bloody felt sleep creep away from him slowly but surely. He looked blearily at his watch on the bedside table. Still two hours till sundown. He rolled over and looked at the woman lying beside him. He loved watching her sleep. She was beautiful. So beautiful that sometimes it was painful. He wanted to touch her, but she was always cranky when wakened before her time. And he'd rather face Shane or Adam than a cranky Dorian.

Why was she with him? The thought came unbidden to his mind, and he swore silently. Rolling to a sitting position and lighting a cigarette, he stared at the window. The shades were drawn tightly but there was a tiny crack of light shining through, hitting the floor a safe distance away. Why'd he think that? Why did he question it? It hadn't been idle musing, every guy who was with a great girl and knew how lucky he was had moments where he wondered why. But this had been an actual doubt. And hell help him, now he was asking why he was with her. At least that question had a million good answers.

But when he'd left Sunnydale he'd promised himself for good and all that he was done with relationships. And now her.

He sat staring at the window, musing. Something had been roiling inside him for quite some time now. Maybe it was time to release it.

The sun set, and still Dorian slept. He wasn't surprised, given the events of the night before. He left a note on the pillow.

"Dor, have something to take care of. Gone to London, meet me at the Admiral's Arms, or I'll be back in a few nights. Whichever suits you.

Love,

William"

* * *

First, there had been Dru. No, strike that. First there had been Cecily. Beautiful rich, refined, cultured, shallow, cruel, bitchy Cecily. What had he been thinking? Of course at the time he hadn't known that he was a joke to those he thought his friends. Or known that Cecily was, well the way she was. Why weren't there Vengeance Demons for men? Men, decent men, like he'd been, got their hearts broken left and right. But they weren't allowed to complain. So screw Cecily, she'd gotten to see her ass of a lover torn apart by a railroad spike.

Drucilla was not the kind of girl he would have gone for usually. Maybe pre-vampire Dru and pre-vampire William wiould have been perfect for each other. But such was not fate. He had in fact, been afraid of Drucilla at first. Even aster the embrace. But he'd loved her. Not just because of the blood bond, she had chosen him. Out of all the eligible bachelors in London, she had chosen him. No one had ever done such a thing. Not ever. She came to him when he was most vulnerable, and loved him. She had made him strong. Physically and spiritually. She wanted and needed him. He was her black knight, and she was his dark princess. And blood bond or no, he loved her. He'd thought it would last forever.

And then Sunnydale.

Why had he been so fixated on Slayers? In retrospect, he knew that empowered women were sexy. But in that moment, when he'd killed them, he'd been in control. He'd had, more desire than them. He had in a way, out loved them.

He' hadn't been able to do that with Buffy. She'd have more desire to live than the others. And he liked that. More than he'd realized at first. When they fought, he'd connected with that somehow, and thus, from that first fight the seed of love had been planted.

Dru had known it was there before he had. Maybe angel was right, maybe she was fickle, but that wasn't why she'd left. He hadn't understood that. He'd thought that she'd decided he'd gone soft.

When she left him, he didn't know how much of his grief was real and how much twas the blood bond. After Dru came Harmony, who hardly counted. She was re-bound and revenge. Actually more for Cecily than Dru.

Hate and love were so closely related that he wasn't surprised he'd made the switch. That was when he'd left Sunnydale again, and found out that not only did the chip have a limited range, but that he missed Sunnydale. Not just Buffy, but Dawn, Joyce, Willow and even Giles. But not Xander. He claimed he hated them all, but it was really just Xander. He'd always liked Joyce and Willow, even when he'd hated Buffy.

So he went back, helped stop Glory, and Buffy might even have come around. If she hadn't killed herself.

When she came back, and started kissing him, that was when he'd realized that his time in Sunnydale was over. Her love of life was gone, and she was using him. It would have been so easy to lie to himself, but he was through with that. Eventually she'd break his heart. And somehow, William knew that would be the straw that broke the camel's back.

_Wonder what's happening with them?_ he thought.

And in Winchester he met Dorian. Dorian, his southern belle. He loved her accent, her passion, he loved everything about her. He hadn't planned or even wanted to fall in love again. But it happened. Both of them had reason to disassociate with their past. Both had been hurt, badly.

"Hello Mum." William said softly, staring at the grave before him. "Been a long time. I'm sorry I wasn't there. I've apologized for that before I know, but I'm still sorry.

"I never meant for you to die. But I guess I never really understood exactly what Hallie meant when she granted my wish. That you needed me. That more than one night with me away would stop your heart.

"I'm sorry you died. I wish you had lived. Lived with the knowledge that I wasn't coming home."

He took another drink and let his voice rise, the whiskey breaking down his wall. "That your filthy, disgusting boy, the worthless curse foisted on you by...father didn't die, you drove him off! It wasn't my fault you bloody cow!" He paused to regain his composure. "All I ever wanted was for you to look at me the way a mother ought to. Just once. Love. Not resentment, not disgust. But you got yours didn't you. Hallie was right, Justice Demon it is. Well I'm not mad anymore. Here, have a drink."

Upending the bottle, William emptied it onto his mother's grave. "Cheers. Peace and happiness wherever you are."

* * *

"Hey spike! Ain't seen you in almost a century."

"It's just William now mate. Not Spike, not William the Bloody, just William."

"Good on ya. Buy you a drink?"

"You're too kind."

"What shall we drink to?"

"To Women. The most infuriating and worthwhile creature ever to put on on god's green earth."

The End

_End Notes: Like I said, Jossed. Dorian the Gangrel was played by my friend Vanessa, Shane was the Brujah Prince of Winchester Virginia, where the game took place. I'm sure the guy Spike met in the bar at the end was supposed to be someone, but it's been so long since I wrote this, that I no longer recall who._


End file.
